“You look happy.”

Is this the face of a happy person?

I had a birthday lunch with a friend today.  (His, not mine.) We went to Denny’s where you get a free meal with the purchase of two drinks and an entree.  For the price of an orange juice, I bought him lunch. (His idea, not mine.)

We’ve been friends for a couple years now with pretty significant ups and downs, culminating in the reason I never see him for more than a brief lunch… a baby.  (His, not mine!) The child has been a blessing in disguise – The drama which surrounded our lives when we were close is now over and he’s just a doting dad. While our friendship will never be what it was, maybe that’s a good thing.

As we sat there over his breakfast slam and my giant burger (which prompted many “that’s what she said jokes” as I tried to stuff it in my mouth), he looked at me and said, “You look happy.”

Who is he?

We’re standing in my new kitchen. The discussion is surrounding the placement of a microwave I’m getting from a friend who doesn’t need it anymore. I’m hesitant to take it but he says, “Look at all the counter space” and offers suggestions as to where it could go. I say “thanks” and smile.

This is a dream I had last night. Most of it is based on fact – the new kitchen, the microwave, my apprehension to bring a microwave into my world after having been without one for a few years…

But who is he?

I have no idea.

This random stand-in for a boyfriend has been in several dreams as of late. They tend to be very rational dreams based on things actually happening in my life. But I wake up with no idea who he is. I can’t remember a face, a body, even the voice is generically male.

I wish my subconscious would let me in on the secret.

But maybe there is no guy. Just a desire to fill that role – a role that is right now taken care of by several people (male and female) who keep me satisfied emotionally, intellectually, and sexually.

Smile.

Seriously, I’m telling you to smile, right now.

And think about it. Think about how you look, just grinning away.

Shake your face out a bit. Relax the muscles a bit. Start with a smirk.

Maybe you’re in class. Maybe you’re sitting on your couch watching “So You Think You Can Dance”. Maybe you’re at work. I don’t care.

Smile.

Feel the muscles move upwards in your cheeks, your lips stretching out and your eyes brightening ever so slightly.

Roll your eyes, at yourself – for being the fool who is smiling just for the sake of smiling.

Continue doing this.

Think about how long you’ve been just smiling for and how ridiculous it is.

Realize how you’re now having problems *not* smiling. You laugh a short, but audible, laugh. You shake your head.

And you smile again.

Thanks to a reply on my facebook about self-help books, I started reading a book called “Being Peace” today. It’s not life-changing, but it’s good. It’s what I needed.

It got me smiling today.

A little Buddhism goes a long way.

So did this: A Clothing Swap!

Song of the moment: Summersong – The Decemberists