I want to give up.

I’ve had a tough week.

I arrived home one night to find that momcat was sick.  While I don’t want to get into details, I was forced to thoroughly sanitize my kitchen after she had left a trail of anal leakage.  This forced the whole family of cats into my bathroom, which is already terribly small without all their litter boxes and nests, etc.   Needless to say, I had to find alternate locations to shower.  But momcat wasn’t getting any better.   In fact, she was eating less and making strange noises as such flung herself against the bathroom door in an effort to get out.  When someone with the organization came by to drop off some meds, she checked on ol’ momcat and determined she needed to go to the vet, NOW.

Pending tests and desperately needing to gain weight, the momcat is now staying with the rescue organization.  Now, I’m the mom to four kittens.  As they are still very young little ladies, I have to feed them with a bottle several times a day.

What started as a good deed where I would finally not be alone in my large apartment has turned into a disaster.  I’m worried, more than ever, that I’m not doing a good job.  While I do the feedings necessary of me, I also run from home, scared to come back and see what surprise is waiting for me.

A few weeks ago playing volleyball, I pinched a nerve in my back/neck/shoulder.  Despite weekly physio appointments, the progress I’m making has slowed.  Any toss or turn in bed reactivates the injury, sending me into excruciating pain.  And with the worry of the cats, I’m not sleeping much anyways – maybe 5 hours a night?  When momcat was around, I was afraid of waking up and finding a mess, or worse, a near-dead cat.   Now, I’ve got the kittens in a cage that they can almost escape from – in fact, if they try, they will either get out or get stuck and strangle themselves to death.

Edit: Removed remainder of post.