The Past
May 1, 2009
When I was on the bus yesterday I saw a guy that looked just like my ex-boyfriend. I haven’t seen Danny since we moved out of that studio apartment in Edmonton and broke up. That was before I went to Europe, before this particular blog existed. That was more than four years ago.
I did a double-take but I’m certain it wasn’t him – I mean, last I heard he was getting married in Fort McMurray.
As of late, I’ve been trying not to dwell on the past, but this sighting prompted me to look back. I started cruising through old blog posts. Some of my musings, were… amusing. Others just reinforce how I’ve grown up since then. By no means am I mature now, but maybe I’m just more aware of how little I really know.
While I’m a planner, I’m starting to realize I can’t plan out my future. Much of mainstream media is crumbling and while my station is holding its own, there is still a chance I could be out of work between tomorrow and two years from now. It could come without warning – and it will set me in a new direction for my future.
The thing about your past is it’s already done. I could regret the choices I’ve made only to run head first into a situation (like a firing) that I have no control over. So whether fleeing Edmonton four years ago was the right decision, I can take solace in the fact that it was MY decision. While things haven’t always been smooth here in Vancouver, and I still wonder if it is my final resting place, I made the choice to move here AND the choice to stay.
…at least for now.
The past is past
Good to see you realizing that!
I recently did the same thing, reading through an old blog that spanned 2004-2007 . . . it’s funny the things you remember and don’t remember. Not a good idea to relive the past too much, but once in a while it’s good to have a reminder of how far we’ve come.